I have just had a heated “discussion” about how I work towards achieving the things in life I wish and want for. The film Julie & Julia came up. I agreed that there were some parallels between Julie’s life and mine, I mean here I am blogging about things that means something too me and, yes I would love to be recoginised enough to have a book published. Essentially I am a published writer: I have a regular column/feature page in a magazine http://www.novaholisticjournal.com/ where I write about children’s issues but I am still a work in progress when it comes to living the dream.
My partner for this particular discussion seemed to intimate that my problem was that I don’t give in to ‘another” , that I don’t have a guru, or follow with sufficient passion, the path of another to get what I want.
I have issues with this I have to say. I have never been a follower. As a product of two fairly conflicting and diverse cultures there was an invisible agreement that one had to find out and figure out life for oneself- make up ones own rules on a minute by minute basis, attempting at all times to be respectful and conscious. I was born and raised without any base line, other than to be honest, humble and independent. So throughout life I have never looked to any one else other than myself for clues and tips of how to make my life happen. There wasn’t even God in the equation.
As the years passed I grew my own special brand of spirituality that created close and causal connection to something or someone not outside of myself, but with with deeper aspects of myself. I am in a constant process of creating myself piece by piece. I explore and draw on things that I read, people that I meet, experiences that I have but essentially I have had to forge myself from nothing and everything. My life so far has been a giant forensics project where I have had to dig deep to find clues and reasons for why and how I think and decide for myself where I am going.
I have had to figure out for myself what it means to be a woman, wife and mother. I have had to create my own philosophy regarding child rearing, marriage, work and life in general. I even learned to cook for myself, experimenting, using intuition and vague ideas from other people. Most of the time it feels like I have been doing this in the dark with, on the odd occasion, a candle to light the way. I have had to build my own connection with Spirit and work from the inside out. Which brings me back to my initial issue.
Just because I don’t have a “Julia Child” or a God or tribe to worship and follow does not mean I will not make it. It does not mean that I don’t have humility or wisdom. It does not mean that I am arrogant and irreverent to other peoples marvelous achievements or ideas. It just means I am journeying back and forth to myself consciously building a world for myself, on my terms with my rules. Contrary to popular belief we are not made to serve the world but the world is us,the sum of our thoughts, ideas and actions. The world was made for me and you and you.
